


A Portrait of You

by necromancy_enthusiast



Series: Igdue Series [1]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crushes, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route Spoilers, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Ignatz has a Type and his Type is Bear, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Really Character Death, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Rare Pairings, SO MANY self-esteem issues, Self-Esteem Issues, it's ignatz and dedue they're both self-esteem issues central, lotsa self-esteem issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:46:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21527770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/necromancy_enthusiast/pseuds/necromancy_enthusiast
Summary: During their academy days, Ignatz could never quite bring himself to tell Dedue how he felt about him, and five years later, he understands a new kind of regret.
Relationships: Dedue Molinaro/Ignatz Victor
Series: Igdue Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1904533
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25
Collections: FE3H Holiday Gift Exchange, FE3H Rarepair Port's All Pairings Challenge





	A Portrait of You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [doop_doop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/doop_doop/gifts).



> Thanks to emptyolivejar for beta reading.

“Whatcha got on your mind, Ig?”

Ignatz, sitting near the campfire they’d made, turned his head to look at Raphael, who sat beside him.

“Nothing in particular,” he said.

“Shouldn’t be too much longer before we get to the monastery. I can’t wait to see all our old classmates!” Raphael said.

“I feel the same. I just hope they can all make it.”

“I do as well,” Marianne, who sat across from them at the other side of the campfire said. “Well, besides…”

Raphael sighed. “Yeah, I really miss Dimitri. Wish I could’ve helped him somehow.”

“You two were pretty close, huh?” Ignatz asked.

“Yeah, he was a lot of fun to train with. I could go all out with him, you know?”

“Didn’t he throw you into a wall at the training grounds once?” Marianne asked.

“Haha, yeah it was great! He almost had me, but I was able to get a leg up on him after that,” Raphael said. Ignatz and Marianne both stared at him for a short moment, not really sure what to say.

“And the professor, of course,” Marianne finally said. They all heard accounts from some of the other students that had seen it themselves, Byleth had fallen into the chasm that formed when Edelgard invaded the Academy. There was no way she could’ve survived that.

“I really wish she could’ve made it,” Ignatz said. They were all silent, no doubt going through their own recollections of personal memories with Byleth.

“I hope everyone has a safe trip,” Marianne said after some time.

“Me too,” Ignatz replied.

“So, anyone you guys wanna see in particular?” At this, Raphael very gently elbowed Ignatz. “Ig?”

Ignatz sighed fondly. “Yeah,” he acquiesced. “It was so dumb of me to not just tell him before, but I couldn’t go through with it.”

“We all make mistakes, Ignatz,” Marianne said. “Besides, when we get to the monastery will be the perfect time.”

“I just hope he’s there,” Ignatz said.

“Aahhhh come on, Dedue’s a tough guy, there’s no way he won’t be there!” Raphael said.

“I sure hope you’re right.”

Of course Ignatz had seen Dedue before he’d joined the Blue Lions, but he’d never paid him much attention. He was so quiet and reserved, mostly keeping to himself, it’s not that he was easy to miss (his height made sure of that) so much as he wasn’t the kind to purposefully garner attention. But the more time Ignatz spent around him, the more he realized how gentle he was. Many assumed he was a brute due to his size and origins, but if they bothered to pay much attention to him, they’d quickly realize how wrong they were, and how unfair it was. Dedue was definitely strong, but he could be so gentle as well. The first time Ignatz caught him in the greenhouse tending to his seedlings, a look of content on his face, he knew there had to be so much more to this boy than so many said. He may or may not have found himself going to the greenhouse with regularity after that, hoping to see him there.

More than once Ignatz found himself looking over to Dedue during class and sketching his profile into his notes when he probably should’ve been paying attention to the lecture. He’d been too anxious to speak to him more than necessary before, but with some encouragement from Raphael and Marianne, who joined the Blue Lions not too long after him, and Mercedes, he managed to approach him.

Once he got past the initial awkwardness, it was actually a lot easier than Ignatz had thought it would be. Dedue may not have talked much, but when he did he always had something important or interesting to say, and he was an excellent listener. Ignatz even later found out that Dedue had briefly considered approaching him first, but hadn’t wanted to intimidate Ignatz given his propensity to anxiety. 

The night of the ball, Ignatz went outside to get away from the crowd for a bit and found Dedue doing the same. The air was chilled as they looked at the moon, the music from the ball playing in the distance. They talked for a long time as the stars glittered in the sky, and Ignatz was struck with the desire to ask Dedue for a dance. The whole conversation, he tried to work up the courage to it, but before he could, Dedue had decided to retire for the night. Ignatz still ever so rarely kicked himself over that, especially given the events in the following months.

But he supposed none of that mattered now anyway. The best he could hope for was that Dedue was able to make it to the monastery and Ignatz could bring himself to tell him how he felt.

Raphael stretched his arms upwards and yawned. “Welp, it’s getting pretty late. I’m gonna turn in. G’night, Marianne.” With this, he stood and made his way over to the small tent he shared with Ignatz.

“Good night, Raphael,” Marianne said.

“I should probably get to sleep too,” Ignatz said, quick to follow Raphael. “You going to bed soon, Marianne?”

“Oh, probably,” she said. “I’ll stay up a bit longer. I have a lot on my mind.”

“You want to talk about it?”

She considered this for a moment before shaking her head. “No, but thank you. I’ll put out the fire when I’m ready.”

“Alright, good night Marianne.”

……

A couple days later, they finally arrived at the monastery. It had been quite neglected in the five years since they’d been there, but efforts to clean up had already started, and several times a day other groups of people would come along; soldiers, merchants, various people that wanted to help the cause.

When he found Mercedes, she told him that when she’d arrived, bandits had overtaken the monastery, but she, the professor, and some of her other classmates had been able to clean them out. Ignatz wished he could’ve gotten there sooner to help, but supposed he may have just gotten in the way, so perhaps this was better.

What occupied considerably more of his attention was the fact that Dimitri and Byleth were there. Some of them had seen her fall down the chasm during the battle against Edelgard's forces themselves, and it almost felt like a dream that she was with them again. She hadn't changed at all, still eternally patient and quiet, but obviously caring for her former students.

Dimitri, on the other hand, couldn't have been any further from who he was during their academy days. He was distant and had obviously been through a lot, but he was there all the same, and he seemed wholly unconcerned by Ignatz’s presence. Marianne and Raphael had been much closer to Dimitri than Ignatz had, but he wouldn’t so much as acknowledge even them when he passed by. Ignatz could tell that hurt them, but being who they were, they tried not to take it personally. Whatever he was going through, it was obvious that he was in immense pain.

Realizing there probably wasn’t much he could do about it, Ignatz instead preoccupied himself with finding and catching up with their other classmates. Some were easier to talk to than others, but it was still good to see they were alright. By the end of the day, he’d seen almost everyone. He came upon Marianne and Raphael in the sanctuary, looking upon the rubble that had once been the goddess statue solemnly.

“Marianne, Raphael,” he said, and upon hearing him, they turned to face him. “Have either of you seen Dedue? I’ve seen all of our old classmates except for him.” 

The two exchanged concerned looks.

“Didn’t you hear?” Marianne uttered.

“Hear what?” he asked.

“Dedue… Passed away five years ago. He gave his life for his Highness.”

An odd chill overtook Ignatz as though ice was lacing his veins. No matter how he tried, he couldn’t form a thought coherent enough to speak aloud. He simply stared at them blankly.

“Ig?...” Raphael said, placing a hand on Ignatz’s shoulder.

“I’m so sorry,” Marianne said. “I can’t imagine how you must feel.”

“You wanna talk about it?” Raphael offered. A question. Something Ignatz was expected to respond to. He stared at Raphael for a long moment, trying to think of what to say, before simply shaking his head. “You wanna be alone?” Raphael asked. This time, Ignatz nodded. “It’s getting late anyway, you could use the sleep. Come on, I’ll go with you to your room.”

After they’d parted ways with Marianne and made it to his old room, Ignatz realized the place he’d considered home five years ago now felt cold, desolate, unfamiliar. It must have been the bandits that stripped the room of the few things Ignatz had that were worth mentioning, taking any sense that the room was his away and leaving it like it had been on his first day at the academy. Yet he had nowhere else to sleep, and the bed and blankets were still there, so it would do. He sat heavily on the bed as Raphael stood in the doorway, giving him that look that all but screamed how he wished he could help in a more concrete way, but knowing that for now at least, he was virtually powerless to ease his friend’s pain.

“You need anything, anything at all?” Raphael asked. Ignatz shook his head again. Raphael sighed and moved outside so he could close the door. “Good night, Ignatz. I’ll check up on you in the morning.” And with a soft click of the door, Ignatz was alone.

For a long time, he sat and stared at the wall, not thinking so much as just feeling, but soon enough, tears were streaking his face. He laid down on the bed, and with that, all the thoughts came rushing in as though a dam in his mind had been broken.

A lot of words swam through his head; _idiot, stupid, fool, moron_ . But the one that came up the most, without a doubt, was _coward_ . That’s all he was deep down he supposed, a _coward_ , and even though it had come back to bite him many times over in his life, this particular wound was the deepest and most painful yet, an eternal reminder of his inadequacies for which he had no one to blame but himself.

Some time later, after his tears had dried up, he finally pulled the covers back and climbed under them, taking his glasses off and putting them on his nightstand. Dealing with extended emotional distress was surprisingly exhausting, and tomorrow was an early start, after all. As much as it ached, he couldn’t let his inability to cope with his feelings make him even more of a liability for everyone. He didn’t need anything else he could never forgive himself for.

……

The next few days were a blur of training, strategy meetings, and hushed whispers of how to address the ‘Dimitri problem’. No one, not even Byleth, seemed to know what to do, and no matter how much they discussed and argued and debated, they came no closer to a solution than they had been at the beginning.

One time when he was sitting in the training yard alone when most of the monastery was asleep, he saw Dimitri come in. He assumed Dimitri would ignore him like he did most everyone, but instead, Dimitri looked at him, staring for a long moment before making his way over, still staring at him with that steely gaze of his.

Ignatz surfaced from his trance, this was the first time Dimitri had really acknowledged him since their return to the monastery. “Yes, your Highness?”

“I know that look,” Dimitri finally said. “Even when you make eye contact you’re not really looking at me, you’re looking past me.”

Ignatz had no idea how to respond, so he said nothing. Dimitri made his way to the far side of the bench and dropped onto it more than he sat down, looking forward instead of at Ignatz as he hunched over. There was a long moment of silence where Ignatz didn’t know what to do, nor was he sure of what to expect from Dimitri, so he sat still as he looked over at him. He didn’t even look threatening, just… Distant. Tired. Apathetic. Like Ignatz, really.

Finally, Dimitri spoke in a tone so quiet that Ignatz could barely make it out. “Are you haunted as well?”

“I… No? I don’t see ghosts or anything like you do.”

“You don’t have to see them for them to haunt you,” Dimitri said.

“Well maybe not ghosts, but regrets.”

“Hm,” Dimitri grunted. “Is there really much of a difference? They follow you regardless of whether they have a face or a form.”

Ignatz sighed. Out of all the people in the world, Dimitri was certainly the last one he’d have thought would sympathize with him, and yet, here they were. A long silence fell between them, and it became clear to Ignatz that neither of them were adept at this sort of thing.

“There’s just… Something I really wanted to tell Dedue that I should have five years ago, but I didn’t. And now he’s gone, so I never can.”

Dimitri let out a long sigh. “I see. Regret is a heavy burden.”

“It’s nothing, really,” Ignatz said. “Nothing compared to what you’ve been through.”

“What happened was my own fault. True, none of this would have occurred if _that woman_ hadn’t started it, but the guilt still lies with me. Your sorrow is another consequence of my failure.”

“Your Highness, you can’t just blame yourself for everything. Dedue wouldn’t have helped you escape if he didn’t want to.”

“But what is my wretched life worth compared to his? Surely it would’ve been better if he had lived and I’d died. You _must_ think so.”

“No, of course not,” Ignatz said. “Sure, I wish he was here, but I wouldn’t trade you, or anyone else, for him. Besides, it’s my fault for not having told him in the first place. I’d still be sad, but at least I’d have known how he felt if I hadn’t been such a coward.”

Dimitri stared at him for a long moment before speaking again. “You loved him, didn’t you?”

Ignatz felt his face heat up. His instinct was to panic and deny it, but he knew there was no point. So he simply sighed.

“Yeah, I did. You… Don’t have a problem with that, do you?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

Ignatz waited for Dimitri to elaborate, but instead he changed the subject.

“I still don’t see how you Leicesterians can admit to such things so openly.”

“To what?”

Dimitri looked away. “Feelings of that nature for another man.”

“Oh, right. That’s something you’re not supposed to talk about in Faerghus.”

“Yes. I used to think it was that way everywhere, yet-” He stopped himself. “It doesn’t matter.” With that, he stood and walked away from Ignatz. “I came here to train.”

“I guess I should get to bed,” Ignatz said as he also stood. “Good night, your Highness.” Dimitri only grunted in reply.

The next day all was as it had been before, with Dimitri barely acknowledging Ignatz’s presence. Ignatz considered telling the others about their discussion, but in the end decided Dimitri would probably appreciate him keeping it to himself.

…...

Months passed, and slowly but surely, Ignatz was burying Dedue. There were still times where he beat himself up, but nowadays he was usually able to snap himself out of it before it got too bad. That was then, this was now. He couldn’t be caught up in the past forever.

Sometimes when nothing else would keep those thoughts at bay, he’d compare himself to Dimitri. Dimitri had had to deal with the guilt of Dedue’s death along with everything else for five years, while Ignatz had simply gone home and, other than some more trouble with helping to keep his family’s business afloat, had it rather easy. That usually helped him rationalize it away, because in his mind, he didn’t really deserve to feel bad.

But the time they’d reached the Bridge of Myrddin, Ignatz figured he was on the last few shovelfuls of dirt. It still hurt, he supposed it always would, but even if time didn’t heal all wounds, at least it allowed for scars to form.

Ignatz sighed and wiped the sweat from his brow after the last of the enemy forces retreated. As expected, the Empire hadn’t been keen on giving up such a key location, and the fight had gone on even longer than he’d expected. More time, more fighting, more casualties, more bodies.

Now came his least favorite part of all. But first, he had to return to the main camp to meet up with everyone and prepare himself. Night was falling, and they couldn’t just leave the bodies to rot. Ignatz wasn’t horrified by the act like he used to be, but he’d never truly get used to it, and he didn’t want to.

He’d seen so many faces that he’d recognized on the bodies he and the others had to drag and inter at the mass burials they’d excavated. For awhile he’d tried to just avoid looking at their faces altogether, but that was harder than he’d thought, and in the end he decided that it was less respectful, as though he was trying to strip them of their humanity in his mind to make the task more bearable. 

He’d heard that the Duke of Gloucester’s heir was aiding the Imperial forces, and that couldn’t have been anyone but Lorenz, his old classmate. They’d never been extremely close, but Lorenz had believed in Ignatz’s abilities when Ignatz himself hadn’t, and had even offered his patronage. Ignatz hoped _desperately_ that he wouldn’t find Lorenz among the dead, but he didn’t try to reassure himself that he wouldn’t either. Finding Lorenz would only hurt more if he did.

Once he’d reached their main encampment, he caught small bits of conversations of the people he passed by.

_What took him so long?_

_Did you see the look on His Highness’ face?_

_I thought he’d just hidden away like a coward._

Well, it was obvious someone had returned to camp. A messenger perhaps? Ignatz wasn’t sure, and he wasn’t really in the mood for conversation, so he figured he’d find out eventually if it was important.

“Ignatz, there you are!”

Ignatz turned to see Mercedes running up to him with a smile, something she nor anyone else did much right after a battle.

“Is something going on, Mercedes?” Ignatz asked. Mercedes stopped in front of him, clasping her hands together in front of her.

“Dedue is here,” she said. Time felt like it had halted as Ignatz stared at her.

“He… What?” he finally said.

“He’s alive! He couldn’t make it to the Monastery in time for the reunion, but he’s here now!”

Ignatz couldn’t believe it, or maybe he just didn’t want to because the idea of getting his hopes up only to have them dashed hurt even more, but it’s not like Mercedes would lie to him, especially not about something like this.

“Come on, I’ll show you!” Mercedes said as she turned away and walked hurriedly in the direction she’d come from. Ignatz followed after her, a million conflicting thoughts and emotions whirling through his head.

They came up to a tent at the center of camp. Mercedes moved towards the entrance, waving Ignatz over when he hesitated to follow. He stood beside her as she pulled the tent’s flap open and stepped inside. Ignatz took a deep breath and entered.

Inside was Dimitri, still in his black armor and looking like usual minus one small factor. He was… Smiling. Just barely, and he still looked exhausted, but he was smiling. A smile of joy, no less.

But even more surprising was who he was talking to. He was wearing a new set of armor, had a few facial scars, and a different haircut, but he was still immediately recognizable.

“Dedue?” Ignatz said. Dedue and Dimitri both turned to look at him, Dimitri’s expression returning to its more usual state, albeit considerably less severe, and Dedue’s look of recognition once they made eye contact was unmistakable. 

“Ignatz,” he said. “I’m glad to see that you’re well.”

Ignatz couldn’t believe his eyes. He almost wanted to reach out and touch him to make sure he wasn’t an apparition, but decided in the end that it probably wasn’t appropriate.

“Ignatz?” Dedue asked.

Finally, Ignatz spoke. “You’re really alive, I…”

“I apologize for not joining everyone earlier.”

Ignatz knew he should’ve said something, but he couldn’t help but continue to stare at Dedue silently. He felt tears welling in his eyes, and as much as he desperately tried to suppress them, he simply couldn’t hold them back. Dedue’s eyes widened ever so slightly in surprise, and he moved towards Ignatz before gently placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I didn’t think my presence would affect everyone so deeply. Truly, I’m sorry.”

“No, you don’t have to apologize, I just-” Ignatz wiped the tears from his eyes with his sleeve. “I missed you. We all missed you.” He smiled. “I’m glad you’re alright.”

A tiny smile crept onto Dedue’s face. “Your concern for me is appreciated.”

……

Ignatz was happier than he’d been in months. True, they were still in the middle of a war and he was weighed down by that like everyone else, but the air about him was different enough for people to remark on it.

However, Dedue’s return put a new problem on his plate; now he was going to have to work up the courage to actually confess to him this time around. The idea in and of itself tied Ignatz’s stomach into knots, but remembering the pain and regret he’d felt when he thought Dedue was dead… He couldn’t fathom going through that a second time if Dedue were to actually fall in combat. So he had no choice. This time, he was going to do it. The pain of rejection couldn’t possibly be worse than the anguish of wondering what could’ve been for the rest of his life.

Yet, he still found himself hesitating. Whenever he thought he’d finally worked up the courage to confess, he always froze up at the last minute. Some things never change, he supposed.

One day, when he was sitting in the courtyard with Marianne, Raphael, and Mercedes, he finally decided he had to say something.

“I need your advice on something,” he chimed in when there was a lull in the conversation.

“Of course, Ignatz! What is it you wanted to talk about?” Mercedes asked. Ignatz sighed deeply before going on.

“You all know I have… Feelings for Dedue, and now that he’s returned I know I should tell him about them. But I just can’t get myself to go through with it, and what if he were to die for real? I can’t go through all that again.”

“Hmm, that is quite the dilemma,” Mercedes said.

“You can’t think about it too much Ig, or else you’ll freeze up every time,” Raphael said. “Sometimes you just gotta jump in there!”

“I think Raphael has a point,” Marianne said. “If you dwell on it for too long, you’ll be too bogged down with doubts.”

Ignatz sighed. “You’re right, but it’s just so hard to not overthink it. I’m so afraid of messing up or looking stupid and it just keeps going and going until I can’t control it anymore.”

“Well, then why don’t you try thinking about how much you like him instead? How happy being around him makes you?” Mercedes offered.

“Yeah, just think about why you like him so much instead!” Raphael said.

Ignatz was reminded of the puppy crush he had on Raphael when they were younger, before coming to the academy or even all the mess with their parents. That had dissipated over time, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t still find Raphael attractive. He’d also be lying if he claimed that he hadn’t noticed certain… Patterns. Dedue and Raphael definitely had their differences, but they had plenty of similarities too; kind, gentle, caring… And they both also happened to be very tall and very strong.

So _maybe_ Ignatz had a type, he was big enough (figuratively speaking, of course) to admit that to himself. But what was wrong with that? What was wrong with being into guys a head or more taller than you who could easily pick you up and hold you in their arms? What was wrong with daydreaming about those scenarios? Nothing. Absolutely nothing, Ignatz told himself.

“But what if he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore after I tell him? I don’t want to lose my relationship with him altogether, and I feel like that’s almost inevitable, so sometimes I wonder what the point of bothering is.” He sighed. “I just… I’m stuck, and scared. It feels like I can’t possibly make a good choice here.”

Marianne took Ignatz’s hands into her own and looked him in the eyes. Ignatz immediately stilled at her unusually forward behavior.

“Ignatz,” she said in that calm, composed tone of hers. “The goddess has granted you a second chance. Not many of those come along in life, especially in circumstances like ours. You lost him once without getting the chance to tell him how you feel. I can’t imagine the pain of going through that a second time if he were to…” she looked away, not wanting to say it.

“Marianne is right,” Mercedes said. “I know I’ve told you that most things in life will resolve themselves if you’re just patient, but this is one of those times where that’s not true. You don’t want to let this pass you by again, do you?”

Ignatz took a deep breath. “You’re right. I have to tell him, and soon.”

“That’s the spirit!” Raphael said, slapping Ignatz on the back just a tad too hard.

“But I still have no clue how I’m going to manage that when I can’t even tell my parents I don’t want to be a knight. How am I supposed to confess something like _this_?”

“Well, why don’t you do it in a setting where you’re both comfortable? That sounds best to me,” Mercedes said.

“Yeah! He likes being in the greenhouse a lot, so why don’t you do it when you catch him in there?” Raphael offered.

“That’s a good idea,” Marianne said. “Maybe you could ask him to meet you there so you can do something together.”

Ignatz thought for a moment. Eventually, something came to mind.

“I think I know what I’ll do,” he said. “Thank you, all of you.”

“No problem!” Raphael said.

“Of course,” Marianne said.

“Anytime,” Mercedes added.

…...

“Dedue?” Ignatz asked the next day in the dining hall as Ignatz entered the line behind Dedue. Dedue turned to address him.

“Yes?” he asked.

“I was wondering if maybe… If you don’t mind-I could paint your portrait?”

Dedue just barely raised an eyebrow. “Why me? Wouldn’t someone like his Highness be more appropriate? Although perhaps he’s not in the right mindset for that.”

“I just-I think you would be a good subject. And it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other, and we haven’t exactly gotten to talk much, since, you know… We’re fighting a war and all.” He considered admitting that he’d missed Dedue over the years, but Dedue spoke before he could make his decision.

“I’m not opposed, but is this truly appropriate? You painting a portrait of a Duscurian…”

“I don’t care what people say, Dedue. You’re my friend, and you’re just as worthy of something like that as anyone else.”

Dedue was quiet for a moment, a look of deep concentration on his face. “Very well,” he finally said.

Ignatz smiled. “Thank you, Dedue. I promise you won’t regret it.”

“When would you like to do this?”

“I know it’s short notice, but would tomorrow around 5pm be okay?”

“Very well. Where shall we meet?”

“The greenhouse, if you don’t mind. It would make for a lovely backdrop.”

“That is fine.”

“I’ll take care of everything, so don’t worry. In the meantime, would you like to sit together?”

“Yes.”

“Great, I’m looking forward to it!” After getting their food, they headed over to a table with several of their former classmates. The moment became distant with the ensuing conversation, but Ignatz couldn’t get it out of his mind. It was tomorrow or never, he supposed.

……

In the greenhouse the next day, Ignatz stood back and overlooked his setup. He’d brought two chairs and set them up facing one another, one closer to the flowers meant for Dedue and the other set up behind the easel with a blank canvas resting on it. He took a deep breath and sat down. Now all he could do was wait.

Dedue entered the greenhouse right on time, and despite feeling butterflies in his stomach, Ignatz smiled.

“Ah, there you are,” he said.

“I’m not late, am I?” Dedue asked.

“No, not at all. I’ve got everything set up and ready to go.”

Dedue sat in the chair across from Ignatz.

“I’ve never done this before,” Dedue said.

“Oh, that’s fine. Try to take a comfortable pose, but if you need to take a break or get up and stretch, just say so.”

“Very well.”

Ignatz took his place and got to work. There was a long, comfortable silence where Ignatz all but forgot his anxieties, getting wrapped up in partaking in his favorite hobby and spending time with one of his favorite people. As he looked at the flowers in the background, Ignatz couldn’t help but imagine how they accentuated Dedue’s beauty.

“You’re a wonderful model, Dedue,” Ignatz said. “It’s been awhile, do you want to take a break?”

“No, I’m alright,” Dedue said.

“Okay.” Ignatz took a deep breath and gathered up his courage before continuing. “It’s easy to make a good portrait of you, Dedue.”

Dedue quirked an eyebrow. “Why?”

Ignatz stopped, feeling his pulse quicken. Well, he’d made it this far. No point in turning back now.

“It’s just… You’re very handsome,” Ignatz said. Dedue stared at him for a long moment, but said nothing. Longing for the silence to end, Ignatz went on. “And you’re always so calm and in control, it’s admirable.”

“I’m not as put together as I seem.”

“Well, I don’t think you’re right. You’re so strong, and determined, and kind, I… You’re amazing, Dedue. You really are.”

“I don’t see why you’re praising me so,” Dedue said.

“I just-Well-” He took a deep breath before letting it all spill out. “I really admire you. You really are an incredible person, and I’m so happy I get to be your friend, and that you were able to make it back to the monastery, because I…” He froze up and looked away, but forced himself to spit it out. “I love you, Dedue.”

Ignatz couldn’t bring himself to look at Dedue at first, but eventually forced himself to make eye contact again, and when he did, he was surprised. Dedue looked perplexed. It was muted, as most of his expressions were, but his knit eyebrows made it clear as day to Ignatz.

“Why?” he asked quietly.

Ignatz’s heart broke. “You _really_ don’t know?” he asked. Dedue shook his head.

“Where do I start? Because you’re kind, and gentle, and you’re just… Great,” Ignatz said. Dedue turned his face away slightly as though he was embarrassed.

“I wasn’t fishing for compliments,” he said. Ignatz held his hands up defensively.

“No! I know you weren’t, I’m just telling you how I feel.” A beat passed where both were silent and still before Ignatz spoke again. “You don’t believe what I said about you, do you?”

Dedue sighed. “It’s not that I think you’re a liar, Ignatz, just that I question whether your perception of me is objective.”

“I mean… Of course it’s going to be influenced by my feelings, but those feelings are based on facts. You’re a wonderful, lovable person, Dedue. I don’t see how anyone couldn’t like you.” Dedue shook his head.

“You’re wrong.”

“Dedue, I’ve been wrong about plenty of things, but I know I’m not wrong about this. Please, try to believe me.”

Dedue said nothing, and another long silence took hold. Ignatz wondered if he’d made a mistake, if he’d angered Dedue or hurt his feelings, if he should simply apologize and leave. But as he watched Dedue’s expression, he saw a tear roll down his cheek. Ignatz yearned to move closer, to wipe the tears from Dedue’s eyes, but he restrained himself. Instead, he hurriedly began to gather his supplies up.

“I-Oh Goddess, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry. You must think I’m horrible, or that I’m making fun of you, but I promise I’d never do that. I just… I should probably go, shouldn’t I? You probably want to be alone, I’m so sorry.”

“Wait,” Dedue said in a gentle yet stern voice. “Don’t go… Please.”

Ignatz stopped dead in his tracks, putting his things back down and staring at Dedue, who wiped the tears from his eyes and stood before moving towards Ignatz.

“You haven’t offended me,” he said. “I never thought…” he sighed, seemingly at a loss for words. Instead, he took Ignatz’s hand into his own and kissed it.

Ignatz would’ve sworn his heart stopped if he was capable of forming a coherent thought at the time. Instead he just stared at Dedue absolutely dumbstruck, his face heating up.

“Have I erred?” Dedue asked. Ignatz shook his head rigorously.

"So you-I… You feel the same way?" Ignatz asked. Dedue nodded. "Can't say I was really expecting that answer."

"Why not?"

Ignatz shrugged. "I'm nothing special."

"That's not how I see it," Dedue said. "All those years ago, you were unceasingly kind to me when at best, many would ignore me, and at worst, they would treat me with scorn. Sometimes, in the years since then, when I was on the verge of losing all hope, I'd think of the few who treated me with kindness. You were always one of the foremost in my mind."

"I don't deserve praise for treating you with decency, Dedue. That's the bare minimum of what anyone deserves."

"Yet there are many that doesn’t occur to, I've found. And besides, you went far above and beyond mere decency.”

Ignatz looked down at the ground. “I don’t know.”

Dedue chuckled quietly, and Ignatz looked back up at him. “I suppose we have similar obstacles to overcome.” 

Ignatz smiled. “Maybe we could work on it together.” Suddenly, something that he’d been meaning to ask came to mind. “Wait, what about his Highness? I know how much you two mean to each other, and I don’t want to get in the way of that.”

“It’s true that my relationship with his Highness is very important to me, but I feel as though he would be happy for me. People can have more than one deep relationship without them rivaling each other.”

“You’re right,” Ignatz said. With that cleared up, he figured he ought to move onto the next question he wanted to ask. He cleared his throat before speaking. 

"Dedue, would it be alright if I kissed you?" Dedue's eyes widened and Ignatz immediately began to backtrack. "But we don't have to! It's totally fine if you're not ready, I'm probably going too fast anyway."

"Ignatz?"

"Yes?"

Dedue smiled ever so slightly. "I would like that."

Ignatz felt his face grow warmer. "Oh. I. Oh." He cleared his throat again before chuckling nervously. "So I guess we're doing this?"

"If that's what you wish."

Oh, did Ignatz wish. For _years_ , he'd wished. But instead of elaborating on that, he just nodded. Dedue leaned down so they could see eye to eye and Ignatz cupped Dedue’s face in his hands. They looked each other in the eyes, and after a short moment, both looked away. Ignatz sighed, closed his eyes, and leaned in, gently pressing his lips against Dedue’s. After a few seconds, he slowly pulled away and opened his eyes. He saw Dedue staring straight at him, a subtle blush coloring his face. He looked away again, and Dedue took his hands into his own.

“Did you… Enjoy that?” Dedue asked. Ignatz looked back at him and nodded his head. “I did as well.” Ignatz rested his forehead against Dedue’s.

Ignatz sighed and frowned a bit before looking away again. “This is probably going to be tough since we both struggle with self-esteem and being straightforward about what we need.”

“Yes, but I believe it will be worthwhile,” Dedue said. 

Ignatz smiled. “Well, no relationship is without its troubles.” He kissed one of Dedue’s hands. “Thank you, Dedue. I can’t express how honored I am that you return my feelings. I promise I’ll try my best to do right by you.”

“I feel the same. I look forward to facing life together with you.”

Ignatz’s smile only grew. “Me too.”


End file.
